Supporting the Needs of ALL of my Kids
God has chosen and entrusted us with each of our children. They are each unique in the way God designed them, and it is our divine assignment to care for each of them. We as parents need to take note of the needs of all of our children. Siblings of special needs children have special needs too, they just look a bit different. As we give so much energy and attention to caring for our child with special-needs, it’s easy for our other children to feel overlooked. If you are concerned about the emotional or spiritual health of your child who doesn’t have special needs, here are five practical things you can do to care for the special needs of the sibling.
1. Seen
Each of our children need to feel seen. It’s easy for the sibling of a special-needs child to feel overlooked. Conversation often revolves around the medical and emotional needs of the special-needs child. Many times, friends and family socially engage more with the special-needs sibling, leaving the other children feeling less loved and important. It’s our job as parents to help make sure each child feels seen. They are not in the background, they are a special part of the family and play an important role. They are not just the sibling of “so and so.” They are unique, one of a kind, and are seen as an important member of the family. Take time to intentionally identify their strengths, talents, successes, and God-given personality. A great way to do this is when we pray with our kids before they go to bed. It can go like this, “Lord thank you for (name), that they are such special part of this family. Thank you that they are doing ______ in school and growing in their ability to _________. Thank you, God for making them special through the way they ________.”
2. Special
It’s important that our other children feel special. Much of our attention and energy goes towards our child with special needs. The time spent at doctors’ appointments and conversations in the home can easily revolve around the child that requires additional care. More than just celebrating birthdays and big life events, we can look for ways to make our other children feel special in the everyday family moments. Focusing the car ride conversation on them, letting them choose the Friday night family movie, giving them extra kisses and tickles at bed time, reminding and affirming them that they are a special part of the family. Ask God to help you find ways to make them feel special, and he will show you. Consider their love language- touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time- make them feel special by expressing love that is most meaningful to them.
3. Support
Siblings can often feel the stresses the special-needs child brings into the home. They see the behavioral issues, hear the conversations between mom and dad, and they are often adjusting to the needs of their brother or sister. Our kids need to feel our support. We need to make time for conversations where we ask how they are doing. Allow them to be honest about their frustrations, questions, and challenges they face as the sibling of a special-needs brother or sister. As these conversations take place, we as parents can adjust our parenting to better support our children. There are also support groups and intentional relationships we can help them make so they find an additional level of support.
4. Shine
We need to find ways to let our other children shine. Make sure to create moments when they are the center of attention. Plan an afternoon for a special outing with mom or dad. Sign them up to play a sport or do an activity of their choosing. Show up to the games and activities giving full support, with cheering section included. They need moments when the spotlight and focus is solely on them. Make them a big deal, take the pictures and brag about them when they can hear you. Let them shine and be the center.
5. Silly
As we parent, we can feel the weight of life and our special-needs child’s diagnosis every day. Our days can be heavy, and we need to know how to be silly with our kids. We need to have fun! We need to laugh, share joy, and make memories that create opportunities to bond with each of our children. It may seem simple- the crazy dance parties, the icecream for dinner, but these moments will one day be treasured memories for you and your child. Bring joy into the home and make happy memories with your kids.
As we raise our children, we are all learning how to meet the needs of each one of our children. As we learn and grow, we need to give ourselves grace as parents. There will be moments we feel like we failed one of our kids, where we wish we could go back and do it different. Give yourself that grace and receive it also from God. Be reminded of the powerful truth that his grace is sufficient for each of us and his power will be made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).