A Gift
I know you may be questioning, even struggling with thoughts of whether a child with special needs is really a good plan for your life. And while I once wondered that, too, I can now confidently point you to His Word. In Psalm 127:3 (NLT), it says, “Children are a gift from the Lord.” I don’t see any qualifiers in that verse. It doesn’t say children are a gift from God if they are not diagnosed with a disability. It doesn’t say children are a gift from God if they behave just as you want them to. It doesn’t say children are a gift from God when everything turns out the way you want. It says children are a gift from God. Period. My Charlie is a gift and so is your child!
Shortly after Charlie’s birth, a woman who had recently found out that Charlie had been diagnosed with Down syndrome sat down to talk to me. I was in my initial stages of grief and pain, still processing every- thing. “I heard about Charlotte,” she said softly. “You don’t think you are cursed, do you?”
Cursed? Out of all the thoughts that had flooded my mind since we had received the news about our daughter, cursed was never one that oc- curred to me. Maybe you have felt that way about your child, but the truth is that your child, regardless of his or her condition or challenge, is a pure and lovely gift from our heavenly Father (James 1:17).
One of the hardest questions my husband and I asked ourselves was, “Is this our fault?” Does Charlie have this disability because of some- thing I carry genetically, something I did or neglected to do during my pregnancy? I remember tossing and turning for hours one night. I got up to go to the bathroom, and the thought came to me, What if it was my fault that Charlie was born with Down syndrome? There must be some- thing wrong with my body. I didn’t make a healthy baby. What is wrong with me? I hate my body! The guilt caused by the belief that I could have prevented or caused Charlie’s condition weighed heavily on my heart.
One of the hardest questions my husband and I asked ourselves was, “Is this our fault?”
Luke and I even sought genetic counseling to see if we might be carriers of a genetic abnormality that could have caused our daughter’s condition. We wanted to understand why this had happened. We also hoped to have more children and wanted to know if we could avoid the possibility of Down syndrome in any of our future children. The genet- icist gave us the same results as all the other studies: It just happened.
There is no known cause or no definitive explanation for why some children are born with Down syndrome. It occurs in 1 in every 792 births. No one knows what causes the third copy of the twenty-first chromosome, despite research and parents who question and wrestle to find the answer.
We may never know the ultimate reason behind Charlotte’s DNA. But what I do know is that if we focus on the fight to know the why, we will miss out on the now. And right now, I have a beautiful daughter whom God has entrusted into my care. I have the honor and privilege of raising and loving her. Although current studies don’t provide black and white answers for all our questions, I believe a bigger answer can quell our questions and eliminate any guilt. That answer is that God has chosen us.